I'm tired.
I want to go to sleep.
I'm trying to stay awake because my Big Human is supposed to come over tonight.
Yeah, I'm still "working" with the twins. But I miss my husband! So anyways, this is all you get tonight.
Friday, November 6, 2009
Thursday, November 5, 2009
Heavenly
This week, I've been pulling double duty. I worked my regular job Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday while also working a nanny job. It's with the family that I used to nanny for on a daily basis before the twins started kindergarten. Whenever the parents go away on a trip, I stay with the boys. This week, it happened that the boys had Thursday and Friday off from school. So I mentioned to the mom and dad that maybe we would do a day trip to D.C. to go to the Natural History Museum. They offered to get us a hotel room so we could make it a two day trip. So here I sit, in a Heavenly bed, in a Westin hotel room with my belly full from room service. Ahhhh, traveling on someone else's dime makes it even more like a vacation!
The struggle for me though when I do things like this with the twins is that I always end up feeling:
A. Regret that my kids aren't experiencing this
and
B. Sadness because I miss my family
It's also a struggle because I feel like it's a good thing that I am exposed to this type of living but at the same time, it's as if Pandora's box has been opened. I know what it's like to fly on a private jet. I know what it's like to just grab your swimsuit and head to the country club and not have to worry about sunscreen or towels because they provide it all. I know what it's like to be tired from a fun day of exploring and swimming and just pick up the phone and order what you want to eat. The problem comes in that I want to be able to give those experiences to my kids as well and unless I hit the lottery one of these days, that isn't happening.
But for tonight, I will enjoy the Heavenly shower, the Heavenly mattress and the Heavenly pillows.
The struggle for me though when I do things like this with the twins is that I always end up feeling:
A. Regret that my kids aren't experiencing this
and
B. Sadness because I miss my family
It's also a struggle because I feel like it's a good thing that I am exposed to this type of living but at the same time, it's as if Pandora's box has been opened. I know what it's like to fly on a private jet. I know what it's like to just grab your swimsuit and head to the country club and not have to worry about sunscreen or towels because they provide it all. I know what it's like to be tired from a fun day of exploring and swimming and just pick up the phone and order what you want to eat. The problem comes in that I want to be able to give those experiences to my kids as well and unless I hit the lottery one of these days, that isn't happening.
But for tonight, I will enjoy the Heavenly shower, the Heavenly mattress and the Heavenly pillows.
Wednesday, November 4, 2009
On Making Friends
I've been making a concerted effort recently to make more friends. More girl friends specifically. I don't really have any girl friends that are close to me, geographically speaking, and I feel as though that is taking a toll on me spiritually.
I've been working on my relationship with a girl we'll call C. C is the girlfriend/partner to one of my Big Human's friends/former coworkers. In the past, we have only hung out when our male counterparts have gotten together. I've hung out more with her boyfriend than her simply because my Big Human would be hanging out with him and I would go meet up with them. But in an effort to cultivate my lady friendships, I've been hanging out with her doing other things. She is pregnant and so we have been going to pregnancy meetings and she has asked me to be her birth partner/doula. I've never served as an "official" doula but it is something that I have been toying with in my head so since I have to start somewhere, C will be my first "client". I'm not charging her and I won't be able to use her birth towards my accreditation but it will be good experience. Doing this for her is bittersweet. I had kind of shut myself off from the birthing world because it was too painful for me to be involved with based on the bleak prospects of me ever birthing myself. But I can't hide from one of my true passions. I have loved birth and learning about birth and watching birth since I was in middle school. I can't deny it. So in working on my friendship with C, I have had to dive back in to something that I love so dearly. I really missed it. I'm glad that C has forced me to open that part of my heart back up.
I'm still looking for more lady friendships. I wasn't prepared for it to be so much work. In high school and college, you became friends simply because you were with these people every day. In the grown up world, it's work just like any other relationship. Whew!
I've been working on my relationship with a girl we'll call C. C is the girlfriend/partner to one of my Big Human's friends/former coworkers. In the past, we have only hung out when our male counterparts have gotten together. I've hung out more with her boyfriend than her simply because my Big Human would be hanging out with him and I would go meet up with them. But in an effort to cultivate my lady friendships, I've been hanging out with her doing other things. She is pregnant and so we have been going to pregnancy meetings and she has asked me to be her birth partner/doula. I've never served as an "official" doula but it is something that I have been toying with in my head so since I have to start somewhere, C will be my first "client". I'm not charging her and I won't be able to use her birth towards my accreditation but it will be good experience. Doing this for her is bittersweet. I had kind of shut myself off from the birthing world because it was too painful for me to be involved with based on the bleak prospects of me ever birthing myself. But I can't hide from one of my true passions. I have loved birth and learning about birth and watching birth since I was in middle school. I can't deny it. So in working on my friendship with C, I have had to dive back in to something that I love so dearly. I really missed it. I'm glad that C has forced me to open that part of my heart back up.
I'm still looking for more lady friendships. I wasn't prepared for it to be so much work. In high school and college, you became friends simply because you were with these people every day. In the grown up world, it's work just like any other relationship. Whew!
Tuesday, November 3, 2009
An ode to charting
I love to chart.
I love to talk about charting.
I love to teach people how to chart.
Charting? What is this charting? It's also known as Natural Family Planning (NFP) or Fertility Awareness Method (FAM). It is a way to control the size of your family without the use of artificial contraception such as hormones or barrier methods.
I didn't realize how much havoc the artificial hormones were wrecking in my body until after I stopped taking them. Now that I have learned more about them, I can't think of a single good reason why any woman should take them. Seriously. If you want to take them for birth control, charting works great. If you have some sort of medical condition such as painful periods, excessive bleeding or irregular periods, then the reason for those things should be figured out and not just treated with hormones to make them "disappear".
If you are interesting in learning more about charting, I suggest reading Taking Charge of Your Fertility by Toni Weschler. This is where I started and it's sort of the bible for the charting community. To give you an example of the efficacy of charting, I am on my 26th cycle of charting to avoid (CTA) and in that time, there have only been two "incidents". Now those "incidents" came about for a reason and went away for reason but that's for another post on another day. Needless to say, they were due to user failure and not method failure.
To give you an example of what a chart looks like, and also to introduce you to a great online charting tool, I present: MY CHART. Enjoy!
I love to talk about charting.
I love to teach people how to chart.
Charting? What is this charting? It's also known as Natural Family Planning (NFP) or Fertility Awareness Method (FAM). It is a way to control the size of your family without the use of artificial contraception such as hormones or barrier methods.
I didn't realize how much havoc the artificial hormones were wrecking in my body until after I stopped taking them. Now that I have learned more about them, I can't think of a single good reason why any woman should take them. Seriously. If you want to take them for birth control, charting works great. If you have some sort of medical condition such as painful periods, excessive bleeding or irregular periods, then the reason for those things should be figured out and not just treated with hormones to make them "disappear".
If you are interesting in learning more about charting, I suggest reading Taking Charge of Your Fertility by Toni Weschler. This is where I started and it's sort of the bible for the charting community. To give you an example of the efficacy of charting, I am on my 26th cycle of charting to avoid (CTA) and in that time, there have only been two "incidents". Now those "incidents" came about for a reason and went away for reason but that's for another post on another day. Needless to say, they were due to user failure and not method failure.
To give you an example of what a chart looks like, and also to introduce you to a great online charting tool, I present: MY CHART. Enjoy!
Monday, November 2, 2009
Tippy Toes
Day Two...wonder if I can keep this up? Anyways, I'm here now and that's what counts, right?
Here's my observation for the day: Dads don't know how to have quiet feet. I'm staying with a family this week that I used to nanny for. The mom and dad left this morning to go to London until Saturday. So I came over last night to spend the night so I didn't have to arrive at the butt crack o'dawn. But the dad decided at 5 AM, right before they left to go to the airport, that he absolutely needed something from the kitchen. And proceeded to walk the wood-floor hallway IN HIS SHOES to the kitchen and back down to the garage. Which woke me up. And the twins.
Now I have witnessed this type of behavior before, namely in my Big Human. He thinks that yelling whispers, briskly shutting cabinets (as opposed to just letting them slam shut) and blowing his nose (which he does very loudly BTW) is all reasonable behavior in the living room/kitchen and will not wake our children. Yeah, right. I have perfected the ability to shut their doors without making a sound and I have even figured out that if I crank down the HVAC long enough for it to turn on, it will mask the noise of shutting the bathroom door. That last hour of sleep is precious and should NEVER be disturbed!
So now I am in bed and ready to call it a night and it's not even 9 PM yet. It's been a long, sleepy day.
Here's my observation for the day: Dads don't know how to have quiet feet. I'm staying with a family this week that I used to nanny for. The mom and dad left this morning to go to London until Saturday. So I came over last night to spend the night so I didn't have to arrive at the butt crack o'dawn. But the dad decided at 5 AM, right before they left to go to the airport, that he absolutely needed something from the kitchen. And proceeded to walk the wood-floor hallway IN HIS SHOES to the kitchen and back down to the garage. Which woke me up. And the twins.
Now I have witnessed this type of behavior before, namely in my Big Human. He thinks that yelling whispers, briskly shutting cabinets (as opposed to just letting them slam shut) and blowing his nose (which he does very loudly BTW) is all reasonable behavior in the living room/kitchen and will not wake our children. Yeah, right. I have perfected the ability to shut their doors without making a sound and I have even figured out that if I crank down the HVAC long enough for it to turn on, it will mask the noise of shutting the bathroom door. That last hour of sleep is precious and should NEVER be disturbed!
So now I am in bed and ready to call it a night and it's not even 9 PM yet. It's been a long, sleepy day.
Sunday, November 1, 2009
Alright, I'm game
I'm going to give this a shot...the whole write every day in November Napboelsinwo or whatever it is. I'm not putting a linky, blinky bloggy thing on my blog. I'm just going to try to come here every day and write.
Let's see where we end up, o.k.?
Let's see where we end up, o.k.?
Friday, August 21, 2009
Second Verse Same As The First
I've been busy.
Sorry.
Will be busy for the next month. And not a good kind of busy. It's a kind of busy that I would prefer to never have to go through again. But this busy? This thing that I'm doing with my Big Human for my Small Humans? It's never going to end. Even after this month. Even after the outcome has been decided. That thought almost is too much to bear.
In other news, I thought we had been making progress on the new small human front. But I don't think we are. The decision to bring a new small human into the world shouldn't involve arguments, right? Yeah, I didn't think so.
*sigh*
Sorry.
Will be busy for the next month. And not a good kind of busy. It's a kind of busy that I would prefer to never have to go through again. But this busy? This thing that I'm doing with my Big Human for my Small Humans? It's never going to end. Even after this month. Even after the outcome has been decided. That thought almost is too much to bear.
In other news, I thought we had been making progress on the new small human front. But I don't think we are. The decision to bring a new small human into the world shouldn't involve arguments, right? Yeah, I didn't think so.
*sigh*
Monday, July 20, 2009
Too many books, not enough hours
Always seems to be my problem. Too many books I want to read. I would like to figure out a way that I could get paid to listen to NPR all day and read books. I don't want to comment on them or write reviews...I just want to listen. How can I get paid to do that?
This evening, my Big Human and I did something together that we've never done. We went to the library together. It was one of the most fun things we have done together in a long time! We go to Barnes and Noble together a lot. We usually look at books and that is fun but there was something so much more enjoyable about going to the public library. We go a lot as a family. But we've never gone as a couple. And we went to my favorite branch. The downtown branch. It's housed in an old bank building so it is this grand old structure in the middle of downtown (which is fabulous and charming all on it's own). I picked out a number of books that I can't wait to sit down and read and in fact, I had a hard time choosing which one I would start with. But I've decided (I think) to start with This I Believe II. I haven't read This I Believe I, but I don't think it will stop be from enjoying this one.
In totally unrelated happenings, my Big Human and I stumbled upon an interesting conversation last night that has continued throughout today. We were discussing the naming choice of a soon-to-be-born baby in our peripheral world and my Big Human started talking about how IF we were to have a baby and IF it happened to be a boy, he would not want to name it a junior because he felt that it would be offensive to the two boy small humans that already exist. I agreed with him in part but mainly because I don't like the idea of a junior anyway. Then we started discussing names. I told him some of my favorite boy names, Elijah, Judah, Nicholas, and he thought they were a joke...except for Nicholas. This continued for most of the evening and has kept going today and this evening. I am personally loving it. I'm not sure where it will end up but it started with a bunch of IFs and has gotten to "Patrick...yeah I can handle Patrick..." which is a big step. So maybe my prayers are working? Late August/Early September is right around the corner!
This evening, my Big Human and I did something together that we've never done. We went to the library together. It was one of the most fun things we have done together in a long time! We go to Barnes and Noble together a lot. We usually look at books and that is fun but there was something so much more enjoyable about going to the public library. We go a lot as a family. But we've never gone as a couple. And we went to my favorite branch. The downtown branch. It's housed in an old bank building so it is this grand old structure in the middle of downtown (which is fabulous and charming all on it's own). I picked out a number of books that I can't wait to sit down and read and in fact, I had a hard time choosing which one I would start with. But I've decided (I think) to start with This I Believe II. I haven't read This I Believe I, but I don't think it will stop be from enjoying this one.
In totally unrelated happenings, my Big Human and I stumbled upon an interesting conversation last night that has continued throughout today. We were discussing the naming choice of a soon-to-be-born baby in our peripheral world and my Big Human started talking about how IF we were to have a baby and IF it happened to be a boy, he would not want to name it a junior because he felt that it would be offensive to the two boy small humans that already exist. I agreed with him in part but mainly because I don't like the idea of a junior anyway. Then we started discussing names. I told him some of my favorite boy names, Elijah, Judah, Nicholas, and he thought they were a joke...except for Nicholas. This continued for most of the evening and has kept going today and this evening. I am personally loving it. I'm not sure where it will end up but it started with a bunch of IFs and has gotten to "Patrick...yeah I can handle Patrick..." which is a big step. So maybe my prayers are working? Late August/Early September is right around the corner!
Saturday, July 18, 2009
For the Love of Sleep
I love my family. I really do. Sometimes that love is so palpable that it hurts.
Yesterday was one of those days. It started out very badly. Cycle Day 2 and the cramps were HORRIBLE. I woke up at 4:15 AM from the pain and I was unable to go back to sleep even after resorting to my prescription pain medicine. So that left me super sleepy and groggy from the meds as well as still being in pretty severe pain. Luckily the small humans stayed asleep until 7:15 when the smallest boy human woke up. We were able to ease into the morning because it was my day to work from home while my Big Human did his work stuff. I woke up the other small humans so I could serve breakfast by 9 AM (I try my best to keep them on a regular eating time schedule) while I continued to work on my computer. Even in my sleep-deprived, leftover pain meds fog and still in pain, I was enjoying being with my small humans. They were so delightful.
After breakfast, they got ready quickly, sat and watched two DVR'ed Arthurs from PBS and then without a fuss, turned the TV off and set about finding something to play with. I spotted a bag of leftover balloons, handed them to the biggest small girl human and off she went to find her brother and sister. They quickly created alien babies out of the blown-up balloons and spent the rest of the morning naming the babies, feeding the babies and protecting them from the thunderstorm outside. It was so awesome to watch them play so nicely together and let their imaginations come up with funny things. The morning flew by and soon it was time for lunch. The three smaller humans requested to eat lunch in the safe spot they had created for their babies in the master bathroom so after coaxing me a bit, I agreed and laid out the picnic blanket for them. They ate their lunch there without any arguments and the biggest small boy human and I enjoyed our lunch at the table.
After lunch, we went downtown for a few hours to the children's museum where the three smaller humans continued to play together, they read stories to each other and created another story line that seemed to involve them being polar bears? Not sure about that one but they were having a blast. We came back home and they quickly resumed playing with their alien babies. I made dinner, washed some clothes and then my Big Human came home. We spent the evening hanging out and the small humans convinced some of our neighbors to let them wash their cars the next day for cash.
After baths and the regular bedtime routine, I popped up to the neighborhood grocery store for a few essentials that we needed for breakfast the next morning including a gallon of milk and a carton of OJ. By this point, I was so sleep deprived and just generally out of it because I had had no rest and had been taking my pain medicine throughout the day so that I would be able to function. I came home from the store in the middle of a downpour. I ran in the house, put the bags down in the kitchen and proceeded to get the small girl humans tucked into bed. I quickly followed because I could barely keep my eyes open. When I woke up this morning, I went into the kitchen and guess what was sitting on the counter? The gallon of milk and carton of OJ from the night before. I had left it out all night. Grrrr....But despite all that, it was still a good day.
Yesterday was one of those days. It started out very badly. Cycle Day 2 and the cramps were HORRIBLE. I woke up at 4:15 AM from the pain and I was unable to go back to sleep even after resorting to my prescription pain medicine. So that left me super sleepy and groggy from the meds as well as still being in pretty severe pain. Luckily the small humans stayed asleep until 7:15 when the smallest boy human woke up. We were able to ease into the morning because it was my day to work from home while my Big Human did his work stuff. I woke up the other small humans so I could serve breakfast by 9 AM (I try my best to keep them on a regular eating time schedule) while I continued to work on my computer. Even in my sleep-deprived, leftover pain meds fog and still in pain, I was enjoying being with my small humans. They were so delightful.
After breakfast, they got ready quickly, sat and watched two DVR'ed Arthurs from PBS and then without a fuss, turned the TV off and set about finding something to play with. I spotted a bag of leftover balloons, handed them to the biggest small girl human and off she went to find her brother and sister. They quickly created alien babies out of the blown-up balloons and spent the rest of the morning naming the babies, feeding the babies and protecting them from the thunderstorm outside. It was so awesome to watch them play so nicely together and let their imaginations come up with funny things. The morning flew by and soon it was time for lunch. The three smaller humans requested to eat lunch in the safe spot they had created for their babies in the master bathroom so after coaxing me a bit, I agreed and laid out the picnic blanket for them. They ate their lunch there without any arguments and the biggest small boy human and I enjoyed our lunch at the table.
After lunch, we went downtown for a few hours to the children's museum where the three smaller humans continued to play together, they read stories to each other and created another story line that seemed to involve them being polar bears? Not sure about that one but they were having a blast. We came back home and they quickly resumed playing with their alien babies. I made dinner, washed some clothes and then my Big Human came home. We spent the evening hanging out and the small humans convinced some of our neighbors to let them wash their cars the next day for cash.
After baths and the regular bedtime routine, I popped up to the neighborhood grocery store for a few essentials that we needed for breakfast the next morning including a gallon of milk and a carton of OJ. By this point, I was so sleep deprived and just generally out of it because I had had no rest and had been taking my pain medicine throughout the day so that I would be able to function. I came home from the store in the middle of a downpour. I ran in the house, put the bags down in the kitchen and proceeded to get the small girl humans tucked into bed. I quickly followed because I could barely keep my eyes open. When I woke up this morning, I went into the kitchen and guess what was sitting on the counter? The gallon of milk and carton of OJ from the night before. I had left it out all night. Grrrr....But despite all that, it was still a good day.
Friday, July 10, 2009
Ebay experiment
As you may or may not know, I sell the clothes that my small humans outgrow on ebay. I also sell stuff that I find at goodwill that they can't wear but it still a great find. In the past, I always put my listings up for 5 days and I had about a 50% closing ratio which was in line with what other people that sell a lot more on ebay have experienced. I tried an experiment earlier this week. I listed 12 items on ebay and put them for a 3 day auction instead of a 5 day. NINE items sold! How freaking awesome is that? So now that means I can have a faster turnaround time, money in my paypal account sooner and more things selling! Wooohooo!
Wednesday, July 8, 2009
Jack's gonna make me cash
I'm loving my new blog. It's consuming my thoughts. I want to have a gazillion posts RIGHT now. I'm having to pace myself so I don't write all my posts in one day. I made a list of upcoming blog topics and emailed it to myself so I don't forget all my good ideas. When I made the blog, I added google adsense and an amazon link to advertise. If people read my blog and then click on one of the ads, then I get some money. I must say that the Amazon ad is a little freaky...it's like it is able to read my blog post and then choose a correct ad. Kinda scares me. Anyways, my goal is to be like this lady and make $40K a month...hey a girl can dream right?
Friday, June 26, 2009
Work-Free Days
I have officially started my vacation. Oddly, with my to-do list growing by the second, it doesn't feel like I am on vacation right now. Tonight, I am babysitting. Tomorrow night, I am babysitting. Sunday night, my small humans come home so I get to be a parent again. At some point during this weekend, I will have time to rest, grocery shop, do laundry, clean and be well prepared for my small humans' arrival Sunday evening...hahahahaha! That's sooooooo not going to happen but I can dream right?
I am working on enjoying the moments right now. For instance, I am sitting outside, enjoying the late June heat of Virginia evening with a fabulous cup of coffee and wireless internet. Great, right? This upcoming week, I will have at least three mornings where we do not need to be awake and off to do something so we can wake at our leisure (which really means I will be awake by 7 AM because my smallest human is apparently solar-powered) and basically lounge around in the mornings. We plan to go to the pool one day with my mom and her charges and then on Thursday, we jet off for our long weekend trip to Philadelphia. YAAAYYYYY! I am SUPER excited about this trip but at the same time a little freaked out. We usually do not go on trips with the small humans somewhere that I have not been in the past. Meaning, our trips are usually pretty well planned out because I have been to the location before and I know where things are and how to navigate around. I have ZERO knowledge of Philly. Never been there. So I have been spending an obscene amount of time studying google maps in the hopes that the streets get burned into my brain. I have also been in search of recommendations from other people online for family-friendly restaurants i.e. cheap, good food and can tolerate LOUD children. Surprisingly, there doesn't appear to be a Zagat's catagory for that.
This leads me to a new development. I have decided to start a new blog. It's not a replacement of this blog. In fact, I don't want the two connected. The new blog that I will be creating will be an attempt to get readers other than my friends. So it will be pretty "out there" as far as being on google search and things like that. I had the idea to try to figure out how to write a traveling-with-kids-on-a-budget-type book and then I thought, hey, I can just write a blog, do the google ad-sense thing and try to make a few pennies. So that's what I am going to do. I haven't thought of a clever name that isn't taken yet. I came up with Traveling Zoo but someone already has that. So I'm open to ideas...
I am working on enjoying the moments right now. For instance, I am sitting outside, enjoying the late June heat of Virginia evening with a fabulous cup of coffee and wireless internet. Great, right? This upcoming week, I will have at least three mornings where we do not need to be awake and off to do something so we can wake at our leisure (which really means I will be awake by 7 AM because my smallest human is apparently solar-powered) and basically lounge around in the mornings. We plan to go to the pool one day with my mom and her charges and then on Thursday, we jet off for our long weekend trip to Philadelphia. YAAAYYYYY! I am SUPER excited about this trip but at the same time a little freaked out. We usually do not go on trips with the small humans somewhere that I have not been in the past. Meaning, our trips are usually pretty well planned out because I have been to the location before and I know where things are and how to navigate around. I have ZERO knowledge of Philly. Never been there. So I have been spending an obscene amount of time studying google maps in the hopes that the streets get burned into my brain. I have also been in search of recommendations from other people online for family-friendly restaurants i.e. cheap, good food and can tolerate LOUD children. Surprisingly, there doesn't appear to be a Zagat's catagory for that.
This leads me to a new development. I have decided to start a new blog. It's not a replacement of this blog. In fact, I don't want the two connected. The new blog that I will be creating will be an attempt to get readers other than my friends. So it will be pretty "out there" as far as being on google search and things like that. I had the idea to try to figure out how to write a traveling-with-kids-on-a-budget-type book and then I thought, hey, I can just write a blog, do the google ad-sense thing and try to make a few pennies. So that's what I am going to do. I haven't thought of a clever name that isn't taken yet. I came up with Traveling Zoo but someone already has that. So I'm open to ideas...
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
Recipe to Wellville
Here's how I get rid of horrid, awful cramps...
- one prescription painkiller
- 4-5 episodes of Sex and The City
- 1/2 glass red wine
- healthy version of haystacks- a few tortilla chips, brown rice, homemade lentils, baby spinach and salsa...mmmmmm good.
Sorry I Don't Know...no baby this cycle...I don't want a winter baby anyways...our December/January birthday calendar is already chock o' block full...think good thoughts with me that my Big Human will suddenly decide oh around August that it's a good time to make a baby...I think a late May/early June baby would be best...we don't have any other birthdays then.
Thursday, May 21, 2009
Cheese baby
Last night I dreamed that I saw a positive pregnancy test. Now before anyone gets too excited, that could be for a number of reasons. The most obvious reason would be because my Big Human and I were hanging out with our best couple friends last night and she found out she was pregnant the day before. This is a much wished for and worked for pregnancy and so we were all very excited. So I had that on my brain before I went to bed.
If you believe in this sort of stuff, it could also be foreshadowing for something in my near or not so near future. It wasn't clear in the dream whether it was my pregnancy test or not but whosever it was, the second line was super dark. Super dark lines = lots of preggo hormones which is generally a good thing. It means that things are sticky. It could be because I have been a little concerned this cycle because there was an *ahem* INCIDENT about 4 days before I ovulated. It wasn't an "oh well, that's it...guess we better start looking for a crib" incident but it was an "are you sure everything was o.k." incident. Soooooo....who knows?
In other news, my quest to use Google to self-diagnose all that ails me is ongoing. I thought I had it figured out. I had identified lactose and possibly dairy altogther as the source of all my pain. So no problem right? Just eliminate sources of lactose and dairy in my diet and take the lactase pill if I must eat cheese or something that may contain cheese. Well that would be a big fat no. Turns out after a couple of doses of the lactase pill, my body has decided that it is even more evil than the cheese so every time I have taken it in the past three weeks, I have vomited. Numerous times. Accompanied by severe abdominal pain. No fun. Now I get bloated, gassy, abdominal pain, nausea and burping for no reason at all. I could have gone all day without eating anything remotely resembling something that has come from a cow and I still get sick. So who knows? I go to the doctor next week to have blood tests done for food allergies. In the meantime, I will continue to look for all sorts of odd ailments that could be the source of all my issues. Cause wouldn't that be cooler to be able to say you have some rare issue instead of saying that cheese makes you so bloated you look 4 months pregnant?
If you believe in this sort of stuff, it could also be foreshadowing for something in my near or not so near future. It wasn't clear in the dream whether it was my pregnancy test or not but whosever it was, the second line was super dark. Super dark lines = lots of preggo hormones which is generally a good thing. It means that things are sticky. It could be because I have been a little concerned this cycle because there was an *ahem* INCIDENT about 4 days before I ovulated. It wasn't an "oh well, that's it...guess we better start looking for a crib" incident but it was an "are you sure everything was o.k." incident. Soooooo....who knows?
In other news, my quest to use Google to self-diagnose all that ails me is ongoing. I thought I had it figured out. I had identified lactose and possibly dairy altogther as the source of all my pain. So no problem right? Just eliminate sources of lactose and dairy in my diet and take the lactase pill if I must eat cheese or something that may contain cheese. Well that would be a big fat no. Turns out after a couple of doses of the lactase pill, my body has decided that it is even more evil than the cheese so every time I have taken it in the past three weeks, I have vomited. Numerous times. Accompanied by severe abdominal pain. No fun. Now I get bloated, gassy, abdominal pain, nausea and burping for no reason at all. I could have gone all day without eating anything remotely resembling something that has come from a cow and I still get sick. So who knows? I go to the doctor next week to have blood tests done for food allergies. In the meantime, I will continue to look for all sorts of odd ailments that could be the source of all my issues. Cause wouldn't that be cooler to be able to say you have some rare issue instead of saying that cheese makes you so bloated you look 4 months pregnant?
Monday, May 11, 2009
I'm a "6"
"The Life Path 6 suggests that you entered this plane with tools to become the ultimate nurturer, and a beacon for truth, justice, righteousness, and domesticity. Your paternal, or maternal, as the case may be, instincts with a 6 Life Path exceed all others by a considerable margin. Whether in the home or in the work place, you are the predominant caretaker and family head. While the 6 may assume significant responsibilities in the community, the life revolves around the immediate home and family, for this is the most domestic of numbers. Conservative principles and convictions are deeply ingrained and define your character.
You are idealistic and must feel useful to be happy. The main contribution you make is that of advice, service, and ever present support. You are a humanitarian of the first order. It is your role to serve others, and you start in the home environment. You are very human and realistic about life, and you feel that the most important thing in your life is the home, the family and the friends.
This is the Life Path related to leadership by example and assumption of responsibility, thus, it is your obligation to pick up the burden and always be ready to help. If you are like the majority with Life Path 6, you are one who will willingly carry far more than your fair share of any load, and you are always there when needed. In doing so, you take ownership and often become an authority over the situation.
In romance, the 6 is loyal and devoted. A a caretaker type, you are apt to attract partners who are somewhat weaker and more needy than yourself; someone you can care for and protect. The main ingredient that must prevail in the relationship is complete harmony. You don't function well in stressful relationships that become challenges for you to control. It is the same with friends, you are loyal and trustworthy. But there is a tendency for you to become dominating and controlling.
It's likely you feel compelled to function with strength and compassion. You are a sympathetic and kind person, generous with personal and material resources. Wisdom, balance, and understanding are the cornerstones of your life, and these define your approach to life in general. Your extraordinary wisdom and the ability to understand the problems of others is apt to commence from an early age. This allows you to easily span the generation gap and assume an important role in life early on.
The number 6 Life Path actually produces few negative examples, but there are some pitfalls peculiar to the path. You may have a tendency to become overwhelmed by responsibilities and a slave to others, especially members of you own family or close friends. It's easy for you to fall into a pattern of being too critical of others; you also have a tendency to become to hard on yourself. The misuse of this Life Path produce tendencies for you to engage in exaggeration, over-expansiveness, and self-righteousness. Modesty and humility may not flow easily. Imposing one's views in an interfering or meddling way must be an issue of concern.
The natural burdens of this number are heavy, and on rare occasions, responsibility is abdicated by persons with this Life Path 6. This rejection of responsibility will make you feel very guilty and uneasy, and it will have very damaging effects upon your relationships with others."
Yep...it's all true...especially the last part with the negative examples. Unfortunately, it also says that one of the numbers that I am least likely to get along with is the "7". And my favorite online-never met in person-writes awesome blog posts-friend is a "7". Boo.
You are idealistic and must feel useful to be happy. The main contribution you make is that of advice, service, and ever present support. You are a humanitarian of the first order. It is your role to serve others, and you start in the home environment. You are very human and realistic about life, and you feel that the most important thing in your life is the home, the family and the friends.
This is the Life Path related to leadership by example and assumption of responsibility, thus, it is your obligation to pick up the burden and always be ready to help. If you are like the majority with Life Path 6, you are one who will willingly carry far more than your fair share of any load, and you are always there when needed. In doing so, you take ownership and often become an authority over the situation.
In romance, the 6 is loyal and devoted. A a caretaker type, you are apt to attract partners who are somewhat weaker and more needy than yourself; someone you can care for and protect. The main ingredient that must prevail in the relationship is complete harmony. You don't function well in stressful relationships that become challenges for you to control. It is the same with friends, you are loyal and trustworthy. But there is a tendency for you to become dominating and controlling.
It's likely you feel compelled to function with strength and compassion. You are a sympathetic and kind person, generous with personal and material resources. Wisdom, balance, and understanding are the cornerstones of your life, and these define your approach to life in general. Your extraordinary wisdom and the ability to understand the problems of others is apt to commence from an early age. This allows you to easily span the generation gap and assume an important role in life early on.
The number 6 Life Path actually produces few negative examples, but there are some pitfalls peculiar to the path. You may have a tendency to become overwhelmed by responsibilities and a slave to others, especially members of you own family or close friends. It's easy for you to fall into a pattern of being too critical of others; you also have a tendency to become to hard on yourself. The misuse of this Life Path produce tendencies for you to engage in exaggeration, over-expansiveness, and self-righteousness. Modesty and humility may not flow easily. Imposing one's views in an interfering or meddling way must be an issue of concern.
The natural burdens of this number are heavy, and on rare occasions, responsibility is abdicated by persons with this Life Path 6. This rejection of responsibility will make you feel very guilty and uneasy, and it will have very damaging effects upon your relationships with others."
Yep...it's all true...especially the last part with the negative examples. Unfortunately, it also says that one of the numbers that I am least likely to get along with is the "7". And my favorite online-never met in person-writes awesome blog posts-friend is a "7". Boo.
Friday, May 8, 2009
Making new habits
Today was day five of waking up at 5 AM, feeling around in the dark to put on gym clothes (because I need to ease in to having light in my face when I first wake up) and heading out to be at the gym when they open their doors at 5:30 AM. A couple of days were really tough. This morning was suprisingly easy even though I went to sleep WAY past my bedtime. How many more days until this becomes habit? Only trouble is the gym people think they should be able to sleep in on the weekends so it doesn't open at 5:30 AM every morning...hmmmm...will it throw me off if I have to wait until 8 AM tomorrow morning? I hope not.
Lots of Small Human Lacrosse to watch this weekend. Super excited about that. Lots of cleaning and organizing to do this weekend. Super NOT excited about that. Oh and more eBay listings...cause I need more money in my paypal account!
Lots of Small Human Lacrosse to watch this weekend. Super excited about that. Lots of cleaning and organizing to do this weekend. Super NOT excited about that. Oh and more eBay listings...cause I need more money in my paypal account!
Thursday, May 7, 2009
Bring it on!
We found the most perfect house for us tonight. Only trouble is that it's for sale, not rent and we are not in the market to buy right now. Now if someone would buy it and then rent it to us, that would work. ;) I'm going to employee the law of attraction here and get this house for us. Here are the things about it that are perfect:
- It's in all the right school districts for the small humans so there would be no reason for them to have to switch schools and they could ride the school bus.
- It has four bedrooms so the boys would no longer have to share.
- It has a two-car garage.
- It has a living room and a family room.
- It has a home office/study area.
- It has a wonderful soaking tub that would be perfect for me to labor in...hey, I'm practicing the law of attraction here so I am going to attract my home birth and beautiful baby!
- It's connected to a neighborhood where the small humans have a lot of friends and they could ride their bikes over to visit.
- It's in a super convienent location for work, shopping and church.
So Universe, I'm ready to receive it. Thanks in advance!
Tuesday, May 5, 2009
I have a lot of words in my head lately
I've got this overwhelming urge to blog these past few days. Not sure where it's coming from but I'll go with it.
So there are a lot of good things about Facebook. You can keep up with your friends, show off your kids, make witty comments, all sorts of good things. But there are times when Facebook leaves me feeling sad and weepy. Like the last couple of days. One of my college friends got married this past weekend. We were good college friends, you know like close at college but it didn't last once I moved back home. We've spoken only a couple of times in the past 8 years so it's no surprise that I didn't get an invite. In fact, I'm not sure what I would have done if I would have actually gotten one. Taking trips right now pretty much require an act of Congress.
At any rate, it still makes me sad to look at those pictures and see all these people together that were my friends at one point in my life and to have the understanding that I don't know them any more. And they probably don't know me. Except for maybe a few that might read my blog and follow my tweets. My life today looks nothing like theirs. We don't match socially. I'm a mom. A Catholic mom. To tweens and teens. They are maybe parents to babies but most of them are not even married. And they are still Adventist for the most part. And I guess the part that is really difficult to address is the fact that we didn't match then. It's probably why I always felt like I was on the outside watching them be friends. And I was the person that was sometimes tolerated. Whew. I'll need to process that some more.
Here's a scene from my evening:
Lauri is sitting at the kitchen table addressing Mother's Day Cards. Her Big Human is standing nearby taking a break from being the Smallest Human's sleeping buddy. Lauri hears the small voice coming from behind the closed door "DAAAAAADDDDDYYYYY!" She looks at her Big Human and says "He's calling for you." to which he responds, "No I think he's calling you." So Lauri gets up from the table and walks toward the closed door. Then she hears "L-A-U-R-I come here please!" She opens the door laughing and is greeted with a small face with toilet paper in a U-shape shoved in two nostrils accompanied by a big grin. "Take a picture of me Lauri! I'm a bull!" "No more pictures tonight! It's time for sleep!" Lauri shuts the door to hide the laughter and heads back to the kitchen wondering where the toilet paper came from...
So there are a lot of good things about Facebook. You can keep up with your friends, show off your kids, make witty comments, all sorts of good things. But there are times when Facebook leaves me feeling sad and weepy. Like the last couple of days. One of my college friends got married this past weekend. We were good college friends, you know like close at college but it didn't last once I moved back home. We've spoken only a couple of times in the past 8 years so it's no surprise that I didn't get an invite. In fact, I'm not sure what I would have done if I would have actually gotten one. Taking trips right now pretty much require an act of Congress.
At any rate, it still makes me sad to look at those pictures and see all these people together that were my friends at one point in my life and to have the understanding that I don't know them any more. And they probably don't know me. Except for maybe a few that might read my blog and follow my tweets. My life today looks nothing like theirs. We don't match socially. I'm a mom. A Catholic mom. To tweens and teens. They are maybe parents to babies but most of them are not even married. And they are still Adventist for the most part. And I guess the part that is really difficult to address is the fact that we didn't match then. It's probably why I always felt like I was on the outside watching them be friends. And I was the person that was sometimes tolerated. Whew. I'll need to process that some more.
Here's a scene from my evening:
Lauri is sitting at the kitchen table addressing Mother's Day Cards. Her Big Human is standing nearby taking a break from being the Smallest Human's sleeping buddy. Lauri hears the small voice coming from behind the closed door "DAAAAAADDDDDYYYYY!" She looks at her Big Human and says "He's calling for you." to which he responds, "No I think he's calling you." So Lauri gets up from the table and walks toward the closed door. Then she hears "L-A-U-R-I come here please!" She opens the door laughing and is greeted with a small face with toilet paper in a U-shape shoved in two nostrils accompanied by a big grin. "Take a picture of me Lauri! I'm a bull!" "No more pictures tonight! It's time for sleep!" Lauri shuts the door to hide the laughter and heads back to the kitchen wondering where the toilet paper came from...
It's a little early but that's o.k.
We did Mother's Day tonight since the kids will not be home this weekend. Here's the card that they gave me...yes it made me cry!
Monday, May 4, 2009
Notes from the couch
I've been working on something the last week or so. I'm trying to change my thought patterns. It's pretty tough. I've realized that I have given a lot of my mental space to someone who I very much do not like and that needed to stop. Also I've been working on being happy with what I do have rather than being sad about what I don't have. That was a handy little tidbit that one of my priests shared with me during my last confession. After I left, I was thinking, wow I'm spending a lot on therapy every week, I could just go to confession weekly and get better results!
So speaking of therapy, I've reached kind of an interesting place. I was starting to dread going to see Dr. M every week. In fact, I was beginning to think that it was the therapy sessions that were bringing me down. She's a pretty intense lady. So last week, I canceled my appointment and spent the week working on changing my thought patterns. And I actually felt a lot better. When I went in today, we decided that I am going to switch to every other week. I feel good about this decision and think that soon, I will probably stop seeing her altogether. She kind of rubs me the wrong way. Which is not really a good thing in a person that is supposed to be helping you through your issues, you know? Thinking those thoughts then sent me down the self-doubting path of "maybe I don't like her because she makes me face the tough issues and it makes me feel bad and I just project that on to her" but I am seeing another therapist with my blended family and he makes me face the tough issues and doesn't make me feel like I am constantly defending my choice to stay in this marriage, crazy ex and all. Sooooo, all that means that I think Dr. M is probably not going to stick around much longer. And I'm o.k. with that.
I had an epiphany the other day. It seems so simple that I am almost embarrassed to say it out loud but how many of you are actually out there? 2? 3? So it's o.k. So here's the thing. I was driving somewhere and I was thinking about how I wished my life looked different. I was thinking about all the different things that I would do if I could. And then I thought, "I can do those things." Once I thought that thought, it seemed so simple to me. Longing to wake up in the morning, drink coffee, read the news and maybe the daily scripture reading before work? Well, Lauri, just wake up and do it! Want to go to daily Mass? Nobody's stopping you crazy lady! Just go do it! Geez...I'm a little dense sometimes with the obvious stuff. Yeah so maybe I don't have a cozy comfy chair in my bedroom that I picture in my head when I think about doing those things in the morning but why am I letting that stop me from actually doing that? I'm still working on the timing. See the other thing is that I want to be the person that exercises every morning regardless of what is going on. So right now, those seem like conflicting desires. I'm working on that.
So speaking of therapy, I've reached kind of an interesting place. I was starting to dread going to see Dr. M every week. In fact, I was beginning to think that it was the therapy sessions that were bringing me down. She's a pretty intense lady. So last week, I canceled my appointment and spent the week working on changing my thought patterns. And I actually felt a lot better. When I went in today, we decided that I am going to switch to every other week. I feel good about this decision and think that soon, I will probably stop seeing her altogether. She kind of rubs me the wrong way. Which is not really a good thing in a person that is supposed to be helping you through your issues, you know? Thinking those thoughts then sent me down the self-doubting path of "maybe I don't like her because she makes me face the tough issues and it makes me feel bad and I just project that on to her" but I am seeing another therapist with my blended family and he makes me face the tough issues and doesn't make me feel like I am constantly defending my choice to stay in this marriage, crazy ex and all. Sooooo, all that means that I think Dr. M is probably not going to stick around much longer. And I'm o.k. with that.
I had an epiphany the other day. It seems so simple that I am almost embarrassed to say it out loud but how many of you are actually out there? 2? 3? So it's o.k. So here's the thing. I was driving somewhere and I was thinking about how I wished my life looked different. I was thinking about all the different things that I would do if I could. And then I thought, "I can do those things." Once I thought that thought, it seemed so simple to me. Longing to wake up in the morning, drink coffee, read the news and maybe the daily scripture reading before work? Well, Lauri, just wake up and do it! Want to go to daily Mass? Nobody's stopping you crazy lady! Just go do it! Geez...I'm a little dense sometimes with the obvious stuff. Yeah so maybe I don't have a cozy comfy chair in my bedroom that I picture in my head when I think about doing those things in the morning but why am I letting that stop me from actually doing that? I'm still working on the timing. See the other thing is that I want to be the person that exercises every morning regardless of what is going on. So right now, those seem like conflicting desires. I'm working on that.
Wednesday, April 1, 2009
Workcation
I'm on a workcation. Never heard of it? That's o.k. I just made it up.
I'm working. Actually I'm pulling double-duty. I'm doing my regular job. You know, at the company that sells consumer electronics. Which by the way is not the most fun place to work right now in these economic times. I am also taking care of other people's kids. The mom and dad left this morning for a long weekend in Vegas. So I'm the quasi-mama until Sunday afternoon.
This family has a gorgeous house. Hence the feeling of being on vacation. Also there are only two kids. Even more like a vacation. So this evening after I picked them up from aftercare, we went by the library before going out to eat (all their choices) and I picked up some new non-fiction/memoirs to read. I've spent the evening since putting them to bed soaking in a very hot tub filled with Kiehl's Lavender Bath Soak and reading "Accidentally On Purpose". Once I am done with that, I have "When You Are Engulfed In Flames" and "House Rules" waiting for me. Oh and they have this fabulous built-in-the-wall espresso machine that will make me the perfect Americano at the touch of a button. I tend to stay a little over-caffinated when I stay with these kids. It's just so good!
While it would be nice to be enjoying this with my Big Human and Small Humans, it is also nice to not have the constant ticker running in my head of what needs to be done next, what dishes need to be washed, what clothes need to be washed, who still isn't in bed, did all medicine get taken, what time does everyone need to be up in the morning, has homework been looked over, will I be able to actually get 8 hours of work in, etc, etc, etc. Right now, I am surrounded by silence. This is the type of house where I could envision staying perfectly silent for a few days with the exception of many hours of past episodes of This American Life playing on my laptop. So while I am the quasi-mama, the real mama has done the hard work for me. All clothes have been laid out for the next few days. Items for school lunches and snacks are ready to be scooped up on the way out the door. It's almost too easy.
My hope is that I will be able to get some rest over the next couple of days and come back home renewed and ready to tackle some big projects that need to get done. And with some extra cash in my pocket. That always helps.
I'm working. Actually I'm pulling double-duty. I'm doing my regular job. You know, at the company that sells consumer electronics. Which by the way is not the most fun place to work right now in these economic times. I am also taking care of other people's kids. The mom and dad left this morning for a long weekend in Vegas. So I'm the quasi-mama until Sunday afternoon.
This family has a gorgeous house. Hence the feeling of being on vacation. Also there are only two kids. Even more like a vacation. So this evening after I picked them up from aftercare, we went by the library before going out to eat (all their choices) and I picked up some new non-fiction/memoirs to read. I've spent the evening since putting them to bed soaking in a very hot tub filled with Kiehl's Lavender Bath Soak and reading "Accidentally On Purpose". Once I am done with that, I have "When You Are Engulfed In Flames" and "House Rules" waiting for me. Oh and they have this fabulous built-in-the-wall espresso machine that will make me the perfect Americano at the touch of a button. I tend to stay a little over-caffinated when I stay with these kids. It's just so good!
While it would be nice to be enjoying this with my Big Human and Small Humans, it is also nice to not have the constant ticker running in my head of what needs to be done next, what dishes need to be washed, what clothes need to be washed, who still isn't in bed, did all medicine get taken, what time does everyone need to be up in the morning, has homework been looked over, will I be able to actually get 8 hours of work in, etc, etc, etc. Right now, I am surrounded by silence. This is the type of house where I could envision staying perfectly silent for a few days with the exception of many hours of past episodes of This American Life playing on my laptop. So while I am the quasi-mama, the real mama has done the hard work for me. All clothes have been laid out for the next few days. Items for school lunches and snacks are ready to be scooped up on the way out the door. It's almost too easy.
My hope is that I will be able to get some rest over the next couple of days and come back home renewed and ready to tackle some big projects that need to get done. And with some extra cash in my pocket. That always helps.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)